This concept is one that has been reflected in many sermons on relationships and a lesson that I see reflected in the lives of every successful marriage (both in the lives of Christian couples and non-Christian couples). This truth seems to ring out...happiness is not the goal, but a byproduct.
What makes this especially interesting to me is that there is a lot of push and focus on being happy..chasing that fleeting feeling and encouraging others to do so. I've even found myself saying "well, whatever makes them happy." Looking back, I don't think that's enough. It's not enough for a relationship and certainly not enough of a reason to do...well...anything.
I like to go off-roading. I like to have long conversations with friends over coffee. I like playing music with friends. I like doing things for the girl I like. All of these things make me happy, but that happiness isn't the driving force behind why I do those things. If it were, I'd have lost interest long ago when each of those things became difficult.
Why do I go off-roading? To spend time with friends and to see God's creation in awesome ways...off-roading reminds me of how vast God's power is and how much He delights in us enjoying His creation.
Why do I like to have long conversations with friends? I like to see the changes and growth and like that feeling of growth in myself (even over difficult or painful topics). I like connecting with people and building those relationships...each investing in the other.
Why do I like playing music with friends? I like accomplishing something with others...working together toward a common goal. I also like using the gifts I've been given to glorify God.
Why do I like doing things for a girl I'm interested in? Because I like seeing her smile. I like that I get an opportunity to invest into her life and I am thankful to the creator of all things for the beauty and complexity He has put in her.
All these things make me happy...but that's not why I do the things I do.
If I were only interested in my continued happiness in off-roading, I would have given up after a couple of breakages, or the 2AM nights where we can't find a part and no part stores are open, or when I am frustrated at someone in the off-roading community, or when the next project on the Jeep requires a lot of work and I am feeling discouraged by the enormity of the tasks.
If I were only interested in my continued happiness in meeting with friends, I would only meet with people who wouldn't try and convict me or disagree with me. I would only talk about things that we could agree on. I wouldn't try and invest in the other person but, instead, try and manipulate them to make me feel good.
If I were only interested in my continued happiness when playing music, I would only pick songs that were relatively easy to play. I would only play with people who didn't make mistakes (so...nobody). I would give up anytime a part was confusing or difficult.
If I were only interested in my continued happiness with a girl, I would pick a girl who has no outward struggles. I would pick a girl who was a groupie and who's sole interest was me and my happiness. I would give up on a relationship when things are frustrating or difficult and hope from relationship to relationship...always chasing that feeling at the start of many relationships, where infatuation is more prevalent.
If I were only interested in my continued happiness, I would have nothing that lasted.
Countless sermons at various churches have all stated the same as well...happiness is not the goal of a relationship. A relationship is built on working through life together, supporting each other, caring for each other, and giving love to each other (and loving enough to do what's best for the other, even if that's hard for yourself or the other person). Happiness should come out of that...but that should never be the why you do what you do.
Lastly, to all my Christian friends, this is not a new message and one you've likely heard before. God is not interested in your happiness. He is interested in your goodness, in holiness. Your happiness can be a byproduct of this, if you so choose, but it's not the goal.
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